I confess I enjoy sinking my teeth into E! television. I feel it gives you the exact level of addiction while throwing in the occasional film backstage piece which makes it ok to watch and save appearances. So what it looks like: I’m interested in the making-ofs and thorough interviews. What it really is: reality, reality, REALITY.
I was going to be OCD about this particular train of thoughts, so I bookmarked interesting case studies on nowadays television and I was going to read them and make a wonderful essay out of it… That’s how my mind works. But I decided to fight it, so I didn’t read those articles and I’m just going for the dirt!
There are three shameless productions on tv these days that jump to the eye, each for a set of different reasons which I am going to judge because I am a paying viewer and I can.
GIULIANA & BILL
First of all God almighty Bill is fine. F. I. N. E. I don’t know what his deal is with Donald Trump because I don’t think we get The Apprentice here in Italy so first time I saw him I thought he was simply a motivational man running around the States getting paid to blab on granted stuff and be praised for it.
On a side note, I don’t get this kind of jobs. In Italy they would never work. Imagine someone getting in a conference room at some workplace and go: “To advance in your careers and be successful in your lives you have to be focused and hard working, sleep at least 8 hours a day, drink plenty of water and try to always be at the top of your game”. Even if this is just an example I can already hear blowing raspberries. We have grandmothers here for that kind of advice, thank you very much.
Anyhow, initially I thought Bill was this kind of useless guru but I found out later on that he actually does a bunch of other stuff too, which all in all makes him just more fascinating.
Giuliana I knew, being a consumed E! watcher, and I already explained how I like it for the movie backstages. And of course the serious show-business related news. What I didn’t know is that she’s funny and witty, kinda frivolous at times but mostly very grounded. I have the feeling she’s the best of both worlds. She gives me the impression that she’s worked hard to get where she’s at and she deserves to be happy and dwell on lighter sides of life if she wants to. Even though I love it when Bill crashes all of her over the top plans with his practical manly snaps, and muscular arms, and pretty hazel eyes, and perfect little scar on upper lip.
I enjoy watching these two because they are natural and never boring. Although this show is most certainly scripted it is not over the top, it’s not trying to typecast these two people. They don’t want to stand out. They’re graceful.
And of course my favorite moments are the ones that involve Italian speech of any sort. Holy lasagnas, she has the thickest accent. She doesn’t even speak Italian, what she speaks is a long lost dialect known to 100 year old people only. Your ears can be gifted with it just in the most remote villages around Naples, and here we have this woman who grew up in America, has a college degree and a public persona who speaks just like that. Hilarious! I am not even going to get started on her family, but I would take an Italianish speaking Bill Rancic anytime.
Keeping up with the kardashians
Here is a concept I don’t quite get: a whole family becomes famous because they’re so good at doing… Nothing! Now that the Kardashians are notorious I can understand why the usual nosey 21st century person would want to see whatever happens in their living room, but back when the show started, when no one even knew who they were, how the hell did the network manage to make people interested in tuning in to this kind of show? That I don’t understand.
Let’s see how great this family is.
Kris Jenner. I don’t mean to disrespect but these type of mothers that would not only accept but dwell in their children being famous for being slutty and incapable at any actual craft I can only picture in the US. The country that works on appearance and publicity. Not saying that the rest of the world isn’t following close, but I don’t see any Kardashians in Europe yet. She says she works really hard but I don’t see how she can considering it must take her the whole morning to get dressed an have her make up done (you don’t believe me to buy that she does that herself do you?) and she spends a lot of the remaining time going back and forth to Miami.
Bruce Jenner. So he looks normal, he’s had his glorious past and he is now working as the abovementioned motivational useless guru. Why this occupation seems to be so popular I am not going to try to make out and I won’t repeat myself on how useless I find it. Useless. The thing is if you are as normal as you look Bruce, where the hell did you get the insane idea of marrying Kris?
Kourtney Kardashian. Excuse me for my limited vocabulary but I am to be reusing this word because I find it really fitting for a lot of names here: useless. The only storyline that the writers are able to fit her into is her ongoing drama with the boyfriend and the son because she actually isn’t good at anything else. She isn’t pretty, she isn’t witty, she’s winy and not at all articulate. Bad, bad example to put on television.
Kim Kardashian. I don’t approve of girls becoming famous for having big tits but at least I can see that she has made somewhat of a career for herself. Her voice is annoying but she was able to transform her sex tape and consequent invitations to showcase her body at big events in Hollywood into money making fragrances, calendars and publicity deals.
Khloe Kardashian. Big mouthed girl. I can see how being the ugly duckling she had to resort to some kind of wits to get her noticed, but that was probably good for her, because she looks like the only sister with a personality. Spoiled rich brat personality but still a lot more than I’d have expected for someone who was raised in this family. Also the writers make it look like she’s trying to do something with her life with various jobs at radio shows and managing clothes stores. Of course she only got those opportunities because her mom allowed her daughters to be slutty o television, and she never had to print a single resume in her life, but hey this world isn’t perfect and we all know that.
Kendall & Kylie Jenner. Poor babies.
Scott Disick. I don’t believe for one split second this guy actually is the way he is portrayed to be. He must be a very good actor because he is as close a douchebag to Johnny Lawrence in the original Karate kid movie, and that is a whole lot of douche. No one would have made a baby with this guy otherwise. All in all he’s my favorite character. At least he has some consistent dramatic distinctiveness.
I have watched marathons of this show, in strictly non-chronological order, so I didn’t get much of the storyline except it just keeps on repeating itself. I won’t deny it is well fabricated and addictive, but it is also so blatantly scripted that you might just as well watch an episode of The bold and the beautiful to the same enjoyment. The production behind this show is trying hard to make you envious of these three retarded chicks slapping to your fake-lash-less face that you will never have a perfect smoky eye at 7 am in the morning, you will never be able to buy a 5.5 million house in Bel Air with your basketball playing husband, and you will never be presented with free Chanel purses, while they all are.
KIMORA LEE SIMMONS’ LIFE IN THE FAB LANE
Just reading her name makes me sick to my stomach. She is the most obnoxious self-centered piece of fuck chubby woman I have ever seen.
She proclaims herself a model, a mogul and a mom.
Well, first off a mom doesn’t spoil rotten her 7 and 9 year old daughters. And I mean having babysitters lay down so that they can walk all over them, sending them to SPA treatments, having them model on catwalks, believe they are the princesses of the whole wide universe and they can do nothing wrong. A mom doesn’t disrespect her employees treating them like the vilest worms on the planet in front of her children. A mom should set an example and interfacing with your own assistants turning up your nose like they smell of crap and having them manually remove your boots because they hurt your fat feet is NOT an example.
Being a mogul actually implies that you have a successful business. As far as I’m concerned I have seen her golden plated faucets (ding ding) but I have yet to see a single decent piece of clothing by her. All she makes are cheap, tacky, animal print pieces of fabric where someone has vomited glitter on. I can only picture them on cleaning ladies. Not because the cleaning ladies are cheap and tacky but because they have a tendency to dirt their clothes during their working hours, and with the clothes Kimora designs that would not be a problem, cause you could throw them directly to the fire, no harm.
Lastly, shed the cloths from over the mirrors Kimora. You were a model, now you have five chins.
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