Ryan Gosling must be my lost soulmate. I've had many. Soulmates.
I’ve enjoyed a pretty regular adolescence with a vast sexual tension towards the famous. Much fulfilling, the intimacy was great.
I've always been the commercial type, you would say. I never had a grunge black eyeliner phase and I disliked Nirvana because they looked dirty. I was a Backstreet type. Cheerleading, charming blonde on the inside while being, well just me outside. An ugly fuzzy haired, unibrowed, short sighted, glasses and retainer wearing kind of nobody. I made up for my lack of social interaction with the shiny world of stars. They liked me very much and took me to a lot of award shows at the Kodak Theater in my living room.
Interestingly enough I shaped my tastes in movies in those years and I watered the roots of my fascination for pop culture, which is a big part of what I am and do these days. I graduated college cum laude with a dissertation on stardom and I have a very distinctive record of stalking activities. You gotta stay true to who you are.
Robert Peter Williams was my first conscious teenage love, although everything started with Michael J. Fox, who never really went away to be honest. Thing is at the time I wasn’t anywhere near the realm of romanticism, and he could not possibly be recognized as the crush he was by my juvenile brain. I was in love with Play Doh. I was 5.
After him it was a pitcherful of teen hearthrobs: Kirk Cameron, Mark-Paul Gosslear, Sean Astin and the lot. Full on muscle tee and 90s bleached hair. We were school it couple for quite a while.
The age gap was narrowing and it all felt much possible, plus I was starting to develop hormones, which meant uncontrollable waves of heat.
Nothing though had a bigger impact on my life than Take That.
I can distinctively remember the first rush of adrenaline in the back of my neck when Robbie pouted his perfect cheeky lips posing for the posters that hugged my room walls in their entirety. I can remember the ups and down of this prefabricated pint sized love that meant the world to me. The ones I would later feel on a magnified scale for my first boyfriend. I was happy for no reason sometimes, and sad, trashed, desperate most of the others for not being returned the feeling. To this day no one can convince me that that was not love, like most of the naysayers did and still do all the time to ridicule the entity of teenage inner depth. That was indeed LOVE bitches. It was for someone I'd never met, so what?! Purity can do that.
I was a pro at this game by now and I must admit I was a repeated offender. I took the level down a notch but the purity was still there. I moved on to the Nick Carters and the Leonardo DiCaprios. Oh boy, how do I explain them? They had no game compared to the broody, scruffy, dark and chest haired British foul-mouthed manly man that is Robbie Williams, but Titanic was all the rage and I was a sheep. Sadly Taylor Hanson was in the flock too.
The more time passed the more my friends at school would get into relationships, escalating from base to base, but the ball was never thrown to me. At any rate I wasn't even looking for it, so cozy as I was in my fluffy celebrity world.
I would totally be into Justin Bieber if I were 13 these days, I'm not ashamed to leak this online.
I remember dating a lot in those years, from Keanu Reeves to Orlando Bloom. Orlando was particularly attached to me, we were together a long time and he was my date to the Oscars. I wish him all the best with his new family, no hard feelings.
My main man in high school though had to be Pacey Witter. I've always liked a little tummy.
After I met Joshua Jackson (as part of my stalking activities) and FINALLY started dating in the real world, my hysteria went a little down.
I stuck with Heath Ledger for a while and that grew with me to be more of admiration, or rather worship, than just plain lust.
I would love to go all grown up on you now and take this post to say that I've matured into this grounded woman, but that would be a plain sad lie. I still do have crushes. And Heath, like Michael and Robbie, are still among them.
Right now I'm just less involved with them cause I'm kinda busy looking for my mate in the real world, but let's just say it, shall we, it all actually really sucks, so I still cherish my few otherworldly soft spots.
The new millennium developed to Jack. We have to go back Jack, Jack. At the moment I would point to Finn. I may need to infiltrate the Glee set once in L.A. so can I move him off the celebrities column and end my sweaty search.
Well somewhere in there I got lost on the Gosling. I've had the hots and notebooked it out with my girls for a while, but he never accompanied me to any Hollywood function, nor I ever talked about him on my toilet Letterman. If he learns about this I'm sure he'd be crushed.
No hot boys were harmed during the making of this post.
Special thanks to:
Sean Penn
Patrick Dempsey
Patrick Shwayze
Ewan McGregor
Milo Ventimiglia
Tom Cruise
Christian Bale
Bruce Willis
Tobey Maguire
Joseph Fiennes
Hugh Grant
Michael Vartan
Matthew Perry
