Mind-blowing TV (yes, there is some)

It’s not a secret I’m a TV show junkie, also not a secret that I rummage my head while in bed at night. Well, a few moons ago I was thinking about the thrills moving pictures gift you with when something awesome suddenly happens. That goes even more so for episodic productions, because when you follow a story you breathe with it for so long and then BAM... Top ten mind-blowing moments in my television experience.

10. I Ross, take thee... Rachel.

Friends, The One With Ross's Wedding (May 7, 1998)

Everyone knew Ross was still in love with Rachel. Chandler knew, Joey knew, Monica knew, Phoebe knew, Rachel knew and Ross himself probably knew. Okay, there was one person who didn't know, and that was Ross's new fiancée Emily. Emmeleeee.

9. McDreamy is Mcmarried.

Grey’s Anatomy, Who's Zoomin' Who? (May 22, 2005)

You find the hottest guy on the planet in a bar, just like that, he’s a doctor, takes home the big bucks, he wants to make sweet love to you although you’re frigid and push him away. Hello!! He’s bound to have a catch. Thank god his catch did not begin with STD.

8. Joey hearts Pacey, the slut.

Dawson’s creek, … Must Come to an End (May 14, 2003)

She should have chosen Dawson and left the Witter to me. Get your hands off him!!

To be honest I loved how things turned out with this show here, but just because in my mind I had bit off Katie Holmes’ head and replaced it with mine.

7. Nathan Petrelli is (s)hot.

Heroes, Powerless (December 3, 2007)

Heroes’ second season was a snooze fest, except when Milo Ventimiglia got naked. After a while even that got old. Through a whirl of useless flashbacks the audience was preparing to live with a soon to be ex-favorite show when someone puts a couple bullets in Nathan Petrelli’s sexy ass. Ok, now I’m listening.

6. Mom?

Alias, Almost Thirty Years (May 12, 2002)

New show, first season. There’s a mad villain trying to destroy the world. We’re talking someone that makes Magneto’s panties dirty. Simply known as THE MAN - shaking while typing. Our heroin is up for confrontation. How can a girl beat THE MAN? Magneto’s still shitting himself. The Man enters the room, flies run for cover. What they didn’t notice is that The Man is actually The Woman. More poignantly The Mother (who was supposed to be dead). Ladies and gentlemen, Lena Motherfucking Olin.

5. Looks like Karofsky likes guys then.

Glee, Never Been Kissed (November 9, 2010)

The gay kid in school is harassed by the bully. Kind of played out right? The bully is also fat and ugly so why does he think he can bully anyone anyway? Not that relevant. Fat bully corners Gay kid in the locker room, kind of charges back and… Sticks his man-butt lusting tongue into his mouth. We’ve seen it before, but never with an army of show choir singing schoolgirls with matching outfits in the back. Homosexual predictable twist made unpredictable, Glee style. That’s how Cricci sees it.

4. We have to go back.

Lost, Through the Looking Glass (May 23, 2007)

Off Island Jack is miserable, alcoholic, addicted to drugs, dirty and super hot nonetheless. Nothing necessarily new. Although this time he’s planning to commit suicide. Oh well. Before he does he meets up with Kate. Hold on, why would he meet with her? They didn’t know each other until… Either the show’s gone crazy or I’ve blinked a couple minutes too long… Let’s see, as they talk on a dock he pleads with her to, return to the island. Say what? That's right: this Jack and Kate we're seeing are in the fucking future. Flashforwards bitches!

3. Sydney’s robbed. Of (almost) two years.

Alias, The Telling (May 4, 2003)

After meeting her dead mom when she shot her in the shoulder, Sydney battles her best friend Francine to the death. Wakes up in Honk Kong and somehow doesn’t give a shit, she just wants to go home. Her boyfriend comes pick her up. How sweet. He’s wearing a curious wedding band on his very important finger, but it’s not her name that’s on it. Holy freaking cannoli, you, explain. As it happens it’d slipped Sydney's mind that she’d been MIA for TWO YEARS. Wild run discovering what the heck happened to her all the while next season. Genius!

2. You can always go downtown.

Lost, A Tale of Two Cities (October 4, 2006)

There’s cupcakes, and I can already tell I’m gonna like this season opening. Book club meeting’s interrupted by a earthquake, people rush out to the village square. Tiny yellow houses and pickett white fences. Cute, why are they showing this to us? While I’m making up wild theories Henry-WTF-Gale walks out and joins a blond nobody. Something weird’s in the sky. Looks like a wait! It’s a plane losing control, it’s splitting in two, it’s Oceanic. This. Just. Gave me. An orgasm. The Others live in fucking Plesantville. ON the island. Had to watch it over and over again till the sun rose. Still gave me orgasms.

1. For starters my name isn’t Michael Vaughn.

Alias, Before the Flood (May 25, 2005)

Sydney, with metaphorical flowers beaded in her hair and sweet winds of love twirling around her vagina, proposes to Vaughn while they’re driving down the 101. He’s touched, and has the perfect answer for her. Actually he has three. First, his name’s not really Michael Vaughn. Wait, what? Second, it was no accident that he had been assigned to be her CIA handler several years before. Sure. Third... Actually, there’s no third, because before Vaughn could even explain one and two, a car suddenly crashed into his driver's side door and woah. Give me the fucking new season you son of a…

Undercovers - Pilot

Pilots are always meah, you know, nothing’s really breathtaking, just a showcase of characters and situations. There are two exceptions to this general rule: Alias and Lost, both shows brought to you by a tiny man by the name of J.J. Abrams. Some things this man has written have changed my life. I would even watch a 7^th Heaven reboot if he was involved.

That’s why I didn’t think twice before tuning in to the series premiere of Undercovers. A.k.a. Alias 2.0.

Let me start by telling you how much I love Alias, better yet, let me show you how much I love Alias.

This is me at a TV show themed birthday party last week. LAST WEEK. So you get where I stand right? (on the left side I'm clearly cracking into a super secure remote system from a cell phone)

Let me start from the beginning. First scene of the show there’s a spy running away with a BAD ROBOT pen drive. Number one, I want that; number two, you getting confident J.J.? Awesome. Smirks. He then proceeds to launch himself off buildings while the drums of an old Alias score come tumbling in. See what I mean? I bet they didn’t even re-record it. And it gets better!

Our heroes are introduced and they own a catering service. Our leading lady has a stupid black sister. Francine anyone??

They have resigned from CIA five years before and they are called back on duty by an old bald guy whom we will see later on wearing a collar shirt and tie over boxers, comic relief. Now freeze. Since this notion is stated (the retirement not the boxers) I am never going to see these guys’ faces ever again. All I see is their bodies, and on top of those there are Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan’s heads respectively. Come on. This is basically what happens some years after the end of Alias. Syd and Vaughn grow tired of the house on the beach and get back in the game. I don’t care about you, but that is the show I am going to be seeing from now on.

After a brief scene where we’re thrust with the notion that Syd and Vaughn are missing being spies after all, we are introduced to the astonishing new concept of a CGI postcard which announces the city where the action is going to take place. Wow this shit is avant garde!

I am not going to get into the details of the mission here but let me note two things. Throughout the episode I counted five different pairs of Loubs on this woman. Seriously? She goes to break into an apartment in Madrid wearing a white crepe pencil skirt suit paired with red patent 4.5 inch heeled pumps. Are you shitting me? All the while he looks like he just stepped off an Armani catwalk. I mean Syd had her fucking stylish moments too but keep it real you guys! Secondly I am nor Spanish nor French but I live close by both of these countries and I have never heard quite as good faux accents before. I’m talking every single spy show ever made. Need more dialect coaches? “No gracias estamos bien”.

When we go back to the first agent we met we are presented with the obvious J.J. self-reference. The chair scene. In the first episode of Alias flame hot red motherfucking Sydney Bristow was being tortured by the bad ass round glassed creepy Chinese guy. Here the blondie agent is being punched in the face by the bland chubby Russian guy.

Just a few minutes later we are treated with the second reference. The jumping off a plane scene. I would probably bet my Alias DVD collection that they used the exact same backdrop! Syd and Vaughn talking over the slide at the back of the aircraft, aw memories…

Finally our most favorite character of the J.J. Abrams franchise is mentioned twice: Langley, Virginia. I missed you so much!

I enjoyed the first hour of this show although my jaw never dropped and that’s news to me on a J.J. Abrams’ production. I am going to tune in again even if I’m still unsure if I ought to be happy he went back to his roots and still has it going on or biased because he’s serving us a re-heated soup.