Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Coo-kie or not coo-kie

I'm sitting at my brand new vintage shabby chic table contemplating whether I should eat a cookie before going to bed or maybe not when a HUGE sign comes my way.


I have approximately 3.481 cookies to go before my ass looks like those two half inflated basketballs, so... I'ma say YES! Although maybe my mouth is too full with the words "shabby chic" to allow for both some chocs or a "yes"...

Los Angeles update coming soon!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Roma VS Los Angeles

Things I’m going to miss about Rome

Bidets

It appears this is the French word for pony because you ride the thing like it takes you places. One never stops learning. History tells us that furniture makers in the late 17th century introduced it in France for their Royals’ rooms. Because we all know they are clean people over there.

This would probably trick you into thinking they are big on bidets in baguette land nowadays. Think again! Looks like this is the one thing we savvy borrowed from our arch nemesis. We are smart what can I say. A bathroom without a bidet is not on anybody’s radar where I come from. We’re just not built that way.

Now this is a definition taken from Wikipedia, best ever, cracks me up!

Bidets are primarily used to wash and clean the genitalia, perineum, inner buttocks, and anus.

Very meticulous, thank you.

Some other little facts I didn’t know and have learn today:

Fact # 1 - Bidets may also be used to clean any other part of the body; they are very convenient for cleaning shaven heads, for example.

Who knew! I’d love for someone to explain me why that is better than a regular shower or sink. Leg exercise?

Fact # 2 - Bidets once served as a practical way for couples to prepare themselves before sex.

Any expert?

The thing I don’t get about countries that don’t use them is why the heck should one take a whole shower or, and I don’t want to think about it, keep the dirt where it is, when somebody actually gave them a way to get the best of both worlds? Just beyond me.

So here I am picturing myself trying the weirdest stuff to clean my genitalia and anus, thanks again Wikipedia, next to the sink with the aid of maybe a sponge, dripping water all over the floor. Very convenient.


Mozzarella e prosciutto

Hot summer days’ quick lunches, year round munchies. Fine sliced raw ham, prosciutto, and milk dripping buffalo mozzarella are my saviors. I usually wrap the prosciutto around a small mozzarella ball and OMG. I may be able to find it in So Cal but what will I have to sell in order to buy them? We shall see… Some things I can certainly deprive myself of for a bite of heaven!





Blinds

When I was young before going to bed I used to cover up every single light in my room with a piece of cloth. Digital clocks, TVs, chargers, you name it. Then I lived in England. Come dawn I had no escape, that sneaky light was all over the place. British boot camp built my character and I can proudly say that I no longer go coocoo on every electrical device in sight. But I still love my Italian traditional blind, it astounds me how smart we are. As above, why not use it if it’s there. US sunrise I fear you not, but I hope I get thick curtains in my house.




My room

I designed my room from scratch in 2005. I sat down and I drew it all with colored pencils. I was so dedicated to it. I got it so right after 6 years I would change nothing. My room is an open book to read me, it is me if I were furniture, that’s why we get along so well. I’m going to miss you room!


Cappuccino e cornetto

I get it I’m a hunger whore. I just love food what can I say! Have you ever tasted a hot cappuccino with powder chocolate all over it and a flaming cornetto with tender insides melting in your mouth first thing in the morning? If you have, you understand me. If you haven’t, sorry dude.




Things I’m looking forward to in L.A.

Thrift

Old and skanky is the new sexy. From clothes to furniture my DIY geekness is in serious need of an outlet and believe me when I say choice in Italy is limited. The closest thing to a supply store doesn’t even carry magnets, how lame is that? Also we don’t have yards, do your math. No yard sales, no used stuff, no nothing. Pardon me what? Oh flea markets, yes we have those. Go take a look at one of them, I’ll pay you if you find anything interesting!




My own kitchen

Last time I lived by myself in British boot camp the sweetest thing that happened to me was having my own kitchen, without my mom. Now cooking is my outlet. Some people create stories, I create dishes. This woman who gave me life also likes to take it away a little piece at a time with her obsessive compulsive need to clean and never let go of the stove, so I have no outlet, and I die. She cooks good for me don’t get me wrong but sometimes I just need to get my hands dirty and she just, won’t, let me. Listen to this, one time at dinner I was pouring some stuff from a pan. When I was done (30 seconds later) I went searching for the lid on the table where I left it (30 seconds before) and it wasn’t there. It was in my mom’s hands, at the sink, being washed. And her dinner was not even finished. You understand my excitement.


Eggo’s chocolate chip waffles


The sharpest memory of my 2001 summer in Omaha, Nebraska. Great times huh?!






Disneyland

You think I’m weird and giddy? You’ve never seen me inside the happiest place on earth that’s all I have to say…


Pancakes

Or probably I should say french toasts, cause I don’t know if they make funnel cakes down in So Cal. Anything American, sweet but not too much that can substitute a cornetto and that I never get to eat at home will make my sour times less bitter. I’ll stack up.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Leaving on a jet plane

All is well in this neck of the wood, except I've been haunted by atrocious headaches for more than a week now... I just woke up from a THREE HOUR NAP in the middle of the afternoon, comatose, confused. Wasted a lot of precious time that could have easily been put to better use with say, packing for departing in a snap, and I still feel sick. So irritating! I thought the reason behind the sickness was Jacob period stuff, but period's over now, so maybe it’s just my body reacting to the pressure of, as above, departing in a snap. Anyway, it sucks!!

I wrote this a few days back, meaning to wrap a post and blog about the last week in my hometown, a funky town. But like Osama this purpose went kaboom. I packed for four days for Christ’s sake. They had to feed me vitamins to keep me going. Some of my neighbors called in a drug test. But like a good old fairy tale peace is restored and the world makes sense again. My THREE BAGS are ready to soar and I leave tomorrow… Hold on, seriously? Faint.

Yes, this is my last day in Rome, and it’s 6pm as I write, so there’s really not much left to it. I’ve said my goodbyes to friends, with an opulent dinner last Monday to start the celebrations and a laid back BBQ yesterday to finally hug it out. I’ve dined with family. I’ve walked across the city center by myself listening to sad songs and saying my silent goodbyes while staring at the Coliseum till I had to go away to avoid crying. I filed and painted my nails today, because that’s key to airport security right? Wrote my last review this morning and spent some idle time stalking people on facebook since it propitiates a good flight. Checked in online and bought a new pair of sneakers to sweep my way through customs. All that’s left is taking a shower in a little bit. Kind of upset this day wasn’t full of amazements but I still had what I had hoped for, a quiet time home with mom and dad, a nice Italian meal, a few laughs, lots of hugs and the charge I need to hop on that plane. The deal is sealed. I’m coming.

Counting down with Art Brut

I am coming in 1 day...


Counting down with Ozzy Osbourne

I am coming in 2 days...


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Mind-blowing TV (yes, there is some)

It’s not a secret I’m a TV show junkie, also not a secret that I rummage my head while in bed at night. Well, a few moons ago I was thinking about the thrills moving pictures gift you with when something awesome suddenly happens. That goes even more so for episodic productions, because when you follow a story you breathe with it for so long and then BAM... Top ten mind-blowing moments in my television experience.


10. I Ross, take thee... Rachel.
Friends, The One With Ross's Wedding (May 7, 1998)

Everyone knew Ross was still in love with Rachel. Chandler knew, Joey knew, Monica knew, Phoebe knew, Rachel knew and Ross himself probably knew. Okay, there was one person who didn't know, and that was Ross's new fiancée Emily. Emmeleeee.




9. McDreamy is Mcmarried.
Grey’s Anatomy, Who's Zoomin' Who? (May 22, 2005)

You find the hottest guy on the planet in a bar, just like that, he’s a doctor, takes home the big bucks, he wants to make sweet love to you although you’re frigid and push him away. Hello!! He’s bound to have a catch. Thank god his catch did not begin with STD.




8. Joey hearts Pacey, the slut.
Dawson’s creek, … Must Come to an End (May 14, 2003)

She should have chosen Dawson and left the Witter to me. Get your hands off him!!


To be honest I loved how things turned out with this show here, but just because in my mind I had bit off Katie Holmes’ head and replaced it with mine.


7. Nathan Petrelli is (s)hot.
Heroes, Powerless (December 3, 2007)

Heroes’ second season was a snooze fest, except when Milo Ventimiglia got naked. After a while even that got old. Through a whirl of useless flashbacks the audience was preparing to live with a soon to be ex-favorite show when someone puts a couple bullets in Nathan Petrelli’s sexy ass. Ok, now I’m listening.


6. Mom?
Alias, Almost Thirty Years (May 12, 2002)

New show, first season. There’s a mad villain trying to destroy the world. We’re talking someone that makes Magneto’s panties dirty. Simply known as THE MAN - shaking while typing. Our heroin is up for confrontation. How can a girl beat THE MAN? Magneto’s still shitting himself. The Man enters the room, flies run for cover. What they didn’t notice is that The Man is actually The Woman. More poignantly The Mother (who was supposed to be dead). Ladies and gentlemen, Lena Motherfucking Olin.




5. Looks like Karofsky likes guys then.
Glee, Never Been Kissed (November 9, 2010)

The gay kid in school is harassed by the bully. Kind of played out right? The bully is also fat and ugly so why does he think he can bully anyone anyway? Not that relevant. Fat bully corners Gay kid in the locker room, kind of charges back and… Sticks his man-butt lusting tongue into his mouth. We’ve seen it before, but never with an army of show choir singing schoolgirls with matching outfits in the back. Homosexual predictable twist made unpredictable, Glee style. That’s how Cricci sees it.


4. We have to go back.
Lost, Through the Looking Glass (May 23, 2007)

Off Island Jack is miserable, alcoholic, addicted to drugs, dirty and super hot nonetheless. Nothing necessarily new. Although this time he’s planning to commit suicide. Oh well. Before he does he meets up with Kate. Hold on, why would he meet with her? They didn’t know each other until… Either the show’s gone crazy or I’ve blinked a couple minutes too long… Let’s see, as they talk on a dock he pleads with her to, return to the island. Say what? That's right: this Jack and Kate we're seeing are in the fucking future. Flashforwards bitches!




3. Sydney’s robbed. Of (almost) two years.
Alias, The Telling (May 4, 2003)

After meeting her dead mom when she shot her in the shoulder, Sydney battles her best friend Francine to the death. Wakes up in Honk Kong and somehow doesn’t give a shit, she just wants to go home. Her boyfriend comes pick her up. How sweet. He’s wearing a curious wedding band on his very important finger, but it’s not her name that’s on it. Holy freaking cannoli, you, explain. As it happens it’d slipped Sydney's mind that she’d been MIA for TWO YEARS. Wild run discovering what the heck happened to her all the while next season. Genius!




2. You can always go downtown.
Lost, A Tale of Two Cities (October 4, 2006)

There’s cupcakes, and I can already tell I’m gonna like this season opening. Book club meeting’s interrupted by a earthquake, people rush out to the village square. Tiny yellow houses and pickett white fences. Cute, why are they showing this to us? While I’m making up wild theories Henry-WTF-Gale walks out and joins a blond nobody. Something weird’s in the sky. Looks like a wait! It’s a plane losing control, it’s splitting in two, it’s Oceanic. This. Just. Gave me. An orgasm. The Others live in fucking Plesantville. ON the island. Had to watch it over and over again till the sun rose. Still gave me orgasms.




1. For starters my name isn’t Michael Vaughn.
Alias, Before the Flood (May 25, 2005)

Sydney, with metaphorical flowers beaded in her hair and sweet winds of love twirling around her vagina, proposes to Vaughn while they’re driving down the 101. He’s touched, and has the perfect answer for her. Actually he has three. First, his name’s not really Michael Vaughn. Wait, what? Second, it was no accident that he had been assigned to be her CIA handler several years before. Sure. Third... Actually, there’s no third, because before Vaughn could even explain one and two, a car suddenly crashed into his driver's side door and woah. Give me the fucking new season you son of a…

Counting down with Bob Seger

I am coming in 15 days...


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Counting down with Raveonettes

I am coming in 22 days...


Who's afraid?

It has been a fortunate week to amend to a lot of slacking I confess to being guilty of in the recent past. I’ve seen five movies in the last five days.

Four of them were previews, that means I’m in the process of spending a lot of time in front of this keyboard exercising my fingers in writing reviews.
(oy nibble at my rhymes!)
Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which I’ve watched in bed on my laptop, is a spiky psychedelic rainbow. It seemed to me like a PG version of Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, so much so that it was such kind of way too much (again! Oh man I’m on fire!!). Does Ramona Flowers really change hair color in the comic? I don’t know. Wait, let me check… It looks like, mmm, uncertain. But I have found something that proves my point and shows my wits have kindred spirits - although I don’t know who to credit for it because I’m the world’s biggest tumblr ignoramus.


You know I wouldn’t blame the director if it were just that, after all who are we to deprive teenagers of their own eternal sunshine? Everyone’s entitled to a little tan.
But then we have the hair, plus the sudden locations switch, plus the superimposed words that appear out of thin air, plus the death and the flashbacks and it all becomes a woah are you kidding me? Mix and match all you want guys, I’m all for freaky stuff, but you’re way too in for your own good.
How they adapted the videogame part of the theme I liked though. The VS word appearing over the contenders standing in front of each other from side view got my geeks going. Ready. Set. Fight!
I liked it all in all but I’m a bigger fan of people who kind of make a statement and stick with it. A lot of confusion mostly than not goes a short way. Points for trying. Lost in translation.

Sucker Punch I saw for and with my brother. Was expecting the shit out of it and I stood corrected. Apart from a rocking beginning, almost mute and fucking with my brain.
I don’t know about you but the first fantasy level, with the night club and all, worked for me. The second level, because it’s blatant there had to be a second level for the movie to stand out, although the reason is somewhat unfathomable, could have been better executed. I liked how they tried to set each fight in a diverse nerd climax but I couldn’t see that nerd coming to save his life. Sorry for the crude image, that’s just me. I thought differentiation would have done a much more thorough job, and I will not step in the different possible pairings of the word “job” territory.
The steam-punk bit is gorge, but it kind of goes downhill from there. Like the first image from each fight, shot from the airplanes, looks like the previous and next one to me. I guess I’m disappointed because I was looking for a more groundbreaking a la 300 thing rather than a quiche of minced repeating with recurring sauce, both in terms of atmospheres and actions.
Not addressing the skimpy girls situation because I’ve already told you what the director wanted the nerd to do.
Overall the thing I’m walking away with here is this.

Not the actual lady.

Could’t wait to go out last night, a Saturday, finally, and wear it like I was gonna tear this town down (and, we have a winner ladies and gentlemen!!!).


Didn't turn out quite like I was expecting it to, I may have blended too much, but hey neither did the movie. Can't ride two horses with the same ass.
Machete was for a review, which has still to be written. Don’t know where to start really. I may need to organize my thoughts just now. Robert Rodriguez either does kids flicks or this kind of films. Mexico, desaturate colors, sweat, gore and a fetishized items, in this case, the title word.
It was intensely hilarious at times but to me, no matter how much he tries, he’s no Tarantino. I find the Quentin to be more playful with his style, while Rodriguez mostly feels like he takes it far too seriously. It’s fun VS raw. And with me, as always, the fun wins!
The slaughter doesn’t give you time to inhale, and that’s cool. Michelle Rodriguez stinks the screen with her horrific stale self. What actress builds a career on doing the same role for 15 years? And Lindsay Lohan, oh don’t even get me started on her.


She's using a very twisted logic to rehabilitate her career.


So the film definitely has its perks for pulp freaks like this lady right here, me. Jumping off buildings using other people's intestines as a creeper, crucifying a priest on the altar of his own church, good times, DeNiro, fake TV commercials. Well actually it has a lot of perks, but still isn't at the top of his game. Glorified B movie.
Red Riding Hood is the hero of epic fails. I love Catherine Hardwicke but she was having a Twilight brain masturbation while filming this thing. Everything’s wrong here. It wasn’t supposed to be a love story for starters, but no one writing it noticed. It can’t work as a love story. Especially a gothic one. We already have the king of that genre duh!! And you are the one who brought it to us, how confused are you?
To sum it up it's a big match of the werewolf game. Nothing less, nothing more, with the exception of the grandma player which only serves the purpose of presenting Red Riding Hood with the long robe that makes it hard for her to run for cover.
It’s not scary enough. It’s not romantic enough. It’s not intriguing enough. The wolf looks like a huge stuffed animal spoiled brats like Paris Hilton would own while growing up. And everything is all in all shadowed by Gary Oldman’s perfect old lady hair.


If you want to know who the wolf is, spare you some yawns, I'll tell ya. It's the father.
Scream 4 was the pearl of the week. I was not a fan of the series, and by no means I am now, but this film has a cheeky genius you can’t but appreciate. I saw this before it even came out in the States so that night had the whole historic moment kind of feel.
It may be a little 90s but if you called me nostalgic you wouldn’t be wrong so I enjoyed it. It looks like a boiled and expanded WB show. I guess the nostalgic in me refuses to call it CW, but it is what it is. That’s what the original movie felt and I’m glad they kept it that way.
The only thing I can’t quite grasp is Neve Campbell’s character, she should get a taste of her own medicine and get killed by a huge rolling ball of boredom.
Anyway, Ghostface is ah gotcha!
Want to know more of my useless opinions? Read my Red Riding Hood and Scream 4 reviews!







Saturday, April 16, 2011