Who's afraid?

It has been a fortunate week to amend to a lot of slacking I confess to being guilty of in the recent past. I’ve seen five movies in the last five days.

Four of them were previews, that means I’m in the process of spending a lot of time in front of this keyboard exercising my fingers in writing reviews.
(oy nibble at my rhymes!)

Scott Pilgrim vs the World, which I’ve watched in bed on my laptop, is a spiky psychedelic rainbow. It seemed to me like a PG version of Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, so much so that it was such kind of way too much (again! Oh man I’m on fire!!). Does Ramona Flowers really change hair color in the comic? I don’t know. Wait, let me check… It looks like, mmm, uncertain. But I have found something that proves my point and shows my wits have kindred spirits - although I don’t know who to credit for it because I’m the world’s biggest tumblr ignoramus.

You know I wouldn’t blame the director if it were just that, after all who are we to deprive teenagers of their own eternal sunshine? Everyone’s entitled to a little tan.

But then we have the hair, plus the sudden locations switch, plus the superimposed words that appear out of thin air, plus the death and the flashbacks and it all becomes a woah are you kidding me? Mix and match all you want guys, I’m all for freaky stuff, but you’re way too in for your own good.

How they adapted the videogame part of the theme I liked though. The VS word appearing over the contenders standing in front of each other from side view got my geeks going. Ready. Set. Fight!

I liked it all in all but I’m a bigger fan of people who kind of make a statement and stick with it. A lot of confusion mostly than not goes a short way. Points for trying. Lost in translation.

Sucker Punch I saw for and with my brother. Was expecting the shit out of it and I stood corrected. Apart from a rocking beginning, almost mute and fucking with my brain.

I don’t know about you but the first fantasy level, with the night club and all, worked for me. The second level, because it’s blatant there had to be a second level for the movie to stand out, although the reason is somewhat unfathomable, could have been better executed. I liked how they tried to set each fight in a diverse nerd climax but I couldn’t see that nerd coming to save his life. Sorry for the crude image, that’s just me. I thought differentiation would have done a much more thorough job, and I will not step in the different possible pairings of the word “job” territory.

The steam-punk bit is gorge, but it kind of goes downhill from there. Like the first image from each fight, shot from the airplanes, looks like the previous and next one to me. I guess I’m disappointed because I was looking for a more groundbreaking a la 300 thing rather than a quiche of minced repeating with recurring sauce, both in terms of atmospheres and actions.

Not addressing the skimpy girls situation because I’ve already told you what the director wanted the nerd to do.

Overall the thing I’m walking away with here is this.

Not the actual lady.

Could’t wait to go out last night, a Saturday, finally, and wear it like I was gonna tear this town down (and, we have a winner ladies and gentlemen!!!).

Didn't turn out quite like I was expecting it to, I may have blended too much, but hey neither did the movie. Can't ride two horses with the same ass.

Machete was for a review, which has still to be written. Don’t know where to start really. I may need to organize my thoughts just now. Robert Rodriguez either does kids flicks or this kind of films. Mexico, desaturate colors, sweat, gore and a fetishized items, in this case, the title word.

It was intensely hilarious at times but to me, no matter how much he tries, he’s no Tarantino. I find the Quentin to be more playful with his style, while Rodriguez mostly feels like he takes it far too seriously. It’s fun VS raw. And with me, as always, the fun wins!

The slaughter doesn’t give you time to inhale, and that’s cool. Michelle Rodriguez stinks the screen with her horrific stale self. What actress builds a career on doing the same role for 15 years? And Lindsay Lohan, oh don’t even get me started on her.

She's using a very twisted logic to rehabilitate her career.

from www.celebskin4free.com

So the film definitely has its perks for pulp freaks like this lady right here, me. Jumping off buildings using other people's intestines as a creeper, crucifying a priest on the altar of his own church, good times, DeNiro, fake TV commercials. Well actually it has a lot of perks, but still isn't at the top of his game. Glorified B movie.

Red Riding Hood is the hero of epic fails. I love Catherine Hardwicke but she was having a Twilight brain masturbation while filming this thing. Everything’s wrong here. It wasn’t supposed to be a love story for starters, but no one writing it noticed. It can’t work as a love story. Especially a gothic one. We already have the king of that genre duh!! And you are the one who brought it to us, how confused are you?

To sum it up it's a big match of the werewolf game. Nothing less, nothing more, with the exception of the grandma player which only serves the purpose of presenting Red Riding Hood with the long robe that makes it hard for her to run for cover.

It’s not scary enough. It’s not romantic enough. It’s not intriguing enough. The wolf looks like a huge stuffed animal spoiled brats like Paris Hilton would own while growing up. And everything is all in all shadowed by Gary Oldman’s perfect old lady hair.

If you want to know who the wolf is, spare you some yawns, I'll tell ya. It's the father.

Scream 4 was the pearl of the week. I was not a fan of the series, and by no means I am now, but this film has a cheeky genius you can’t but appreciate. I saw this before it even came out in the States so that night had the whole historic moment kind of feel.

It may be a little 90s but if you called me nostalgic you wouldn’t be wrong so I enjoyed it. It looks like a boiled and expanded WB show. I guess the nostalgic in me refuses to call it CW, but it is what it is. That’s what the original movie felt and I’m glad they kept it that way.

The only thing I can’t quite grasp is Neve Campbell’s character, she should get a taste of her own medicine and get killed by a huge rolling ball of boredom.
Anyway, Ghostface is ah gotcha!

Want to know more of my useless opinions? Read my Red Riding Hood and Scream 4 reviews!