Mind-blowing TV (yes, there is some)

It’s not a secret I’m a TV show junkie, also not a secret that I rummage my head while in bed at night. Well, a few moons ago I was thinking about the thrills moving pictures gift you with when something awesome suddenly happens. That goes even more so for episodic productions, because when you follow a story you breathe with it for so long and then BAM... Top ten mind-blowing moments in my television experience.

10. I Ross, take thee... Rachel.

Friends, The One With Ross's Wedding (May 7, 1998)

Everyone knew Ross was still in love with Rachel. Chandler knew, Joey knew, Monica knew, Phoebe knew, Rachel knew and Ross himself probably knew. Okay, there was one person who didn't know, and that was Ross's new fiancée Emily. Emmeleeee.

9. McDreamy is Mcmarried.

Grey’s Anatomy, Who's Zoomin' Who? (May 22, 2005)

You find the hottest guy on the planet in a bar, just like that, he’s a doctor, takes home the big bucks, he wants to make sweet love to you although you’re frigid and push him away. Hello!! He’s bound to have a catch. Thank god his catch did not begin with STD.

8. Joey hearts Pacey, the slut.

Dawson’s creek, … Must Come to an End (May 14, 2003)

She should have chosen Dawson and left the Witter to me. Get your hands off him!!

To be honest I loved how things turned out with this show here, but just because in my mind I had bit off Katie Holmes’ head and replaced it with mine.

7. Nathan Petrelli is (s)hot.

Heroes, Powerless (December 3, 2007)

Heroes’ second season was a snooze fest, except when Milo Ventimiglia got naked. After a while even that got old. Through a whirl of useless flashbacks the audience was preparing to live with a soon to be ex-favorite show when someone puts a couple bullets in Nathan Petrelli’s sexy ass. Ok, now I’m listening.

6. Mom?

Alias, Almost Thirty Years (May 12, 2002)

New show, first season. There’s a mad villain trying to destroy the world. We’re talking someone that makes Magneto’s panties dirty. Simply known as THE MAN - shaking while typing. Our heroin is up for confrontation. How can a girl beat THE MAN? Magneto’s still shitting himself. The Man enters the room, flies run for cover. What they didn’t notice is that The Man is actually The Woman. More poignantly The Mother (who was supposed to be dead). Ladies and gentlemen, Lena Motherfucking Olin.

5. Looks like Karofsky likes guys then.

Glee, Never Been Kissed (November 9, 2010)

The gay kid in school is harassed by the bully. Kind of played out right? The bully is also fat and ugly so why does he think he can bully anyone anyway? Not that relevant. Fat bully corners Gay kid in the locker room, kind of charges back and… Sticks his man-butt lusting tongue into his mouth. We’ve seen it before, but never with an army of show choir singing schoolgirls with matching outfits in the back. Homosexual predictable twist made unpredictable, Glee style. That’s how Cricci sees it.

4. We have to go back.

Lost, Through the Looking Glass (May 23, 2007)

Off Island Jack is miserable, alcoholic, addicted to drugs, dirty and super hot nonetheless. Nothing necessarily new. Although this time he’s planning to commit suicide. Oh well. Before he does he meets up with Kate. Hold on, why would he meet with her? They didn’t know each other until… Either the show’s gone crazy or I’ve blinked a couple minutes too long… Let’s see, as they talk on a dock he pleads with her to, return to the island. Say what? That's right: this Jack and Kate we're seeing are in the fucking future. Flashforwards bitches!

3. Sydney’s robbed. Of (almost) two years.

Alias, The Telling (May 4, 2003)

After meeting her dead mom when she shot her in the shoulder, Sydney battles her best friend Francine to the death. Wakes up in Honk Kong and somehow doesn’t give a shit, she just wants to go home. Her boyfriend comes pick her up. How sweet. He’s wearing a curious wedding band on his very important finger, but it’s not her name that’s on it. Holy freaking cannoli, you, explain. As it happens it’d slipped Sydney's mind that she’d been MIA for TWO YEARS. Wild run discovering what the heck happened to her all the while next season. Genius!

2. You can always go downtown.

Lost, A Tale of Two Cities (October 4, 2006)

There’s cupcakes, and I can already tell I’m gonna like this season opening. Book club meeting’s interrupted by a earthquake, people rush out to the village square. Tiny yellow houses and pickett white fences. Cute, why are they showing this to us? While I’m making up wild theories Henry-WTF-Gale walks out and joins a blond nobody. Something weird’s in the sky. Looks like a wait! It’s a plane losing control, it’s splitting in two, it’s Oceanic. This. Just. Gave me. An orgasm. The Others live in fucking Plesantville. ON the island. Had to watch it over and over again till the sun rose. Still gave me orgasms.

1. For starters my name isn’t Michael Vaughn.

Alias, Before the Flood (May 25, 2005)

Sydney, with metaphorical flowers beaded in her hair and sweet winds of love twirling around her vagina, proposes to Vaughn while they’re driving down the 101. He’s touched, and has the perfect answer for her. Actually he has three. First, his name’s not really Michael Vaughn. Wait, what? Second, it was no accident that he had been assigned to be her CIA handler several years before. Sure. Third... Actually, there’s no third, because before Vaughn could even explain one and two, a car suddenly crashed into his driver's side door and woah. Give me the fucking new season you son of a…